Fast Rewind
by Stupidfic
Summary: ITS MILLER TIME... I MEAN ITS NINJA TIME
1. wooooah

-1It was another day in the sewers as the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were taking a break from their martial arts training to play some video games.

"WOOHOO!" shouted Michelangelo in glee "I WIN AGAIN!" 

"Big deal" muttered Raphael "only a loser would use the rocket launcher constantly."

"Do I smell a rematch? Or is it just the stench coming from your ass?"

"Why you little…"

The two turtles were soon at each other's throats. Leonardo and Donatello tried to separate their brothers, but after a fist punched the wrong turtle the fight became four-way. A swift, hard whack on their noggins stop the teenagers to rub their heads and look at their sensei.

Master Splinter stared at his adopted sons and said "honestly. Can't a rat meditate without all of you fighting each other like infants? This is more irritating than the time my girlfriend kept sucking on my enormous…"

_WOOOOOSH_

"…toe. What the hell?"

The rat and turtles noticed they weren't in their underground home, but instead inside a futuristic laboratory! But they were not alone.

"Alright!" a red-haired boy exclaimed, "my time traveling invention worked!"

"Hoorah hoorah" a bulky robot commented sarcastically. "I just hope they're potty trained."

Mikey spoke "well… Splinter wears a diaper if you must know-"

Don interrupted and asked the two strangers "hey, who are you guys?"

The kid answered "I'm Cody Banks. And this is my robot servant Serling."

"The bastard doesn't pay me because I'm a machine" the robot muttered for no reason at all.

"Here's another question" said Raphael "WHY THE FUCK DID YOU BRING US HERE?"

Cody answered again "I brought you here because I'm your biggest fan! I've always wanted to meet you in person, so I used my high intelligence to make a time machine to warp you in the future. Maybe we could have some butt kicking adventures or something."

Donatello pondered on what Cody said. "biggest fan…high intelligence…adventures…OH MY GOD! WE ARE IN A MARY SUE FANFIC!"

Everyone screamed.

"Wait… what's a Mary Sue fanfic?" wondered Leonardo.

"A Mary Sue fanfic is fiction written by fans starring a made up character that has perfect qualities and often times steals the spotlight from the real main characters."

"So your saying we're in a story where we have to go on adventures with Cody, in which his perfect qualities will likely overshadow us?"

"Correct."

"Oh, okay…"

Everyone screamed again.

-

TO BE CONTINUED


	2. ahhh

After everyone calmed down from their panic attack, the time travelers found out this wasn't a Mary Sue fanfic but rather a fanfic parodying the miniseries TMNT: Fast Forward. Also, Cody's last name isn't Banks because THE AUTHOR IS A DUMBASS WHO COULDN'T TELL THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A CRAPPY CARTOON CHARACTER AND A SECRET AGENT PLAYED BY MALCOLM IN THE MIDDLE!!!

Cody NotBanks shouted "hey! How come you guys tied me on to the ceiling?"

"That's what you get for bringing into the future for your own selfish needs!" Raph spat.

Then along comes an extremely overweight gentlemen with a look of confusion and evilness on his face.

"Cody" he said "what is the meaning on this?"

"Uncle Darius!" the boy gasped. He manage to untie himself and landed hard on top of Serling.

"That probably hurt more to you then it did to me" groaned the robot servant.

Cody placed his spine to where it should be and spoke again "Uncle Darius! I thought you were away on a business trip!"

"It has been rescheduled" Darius said softly. "There was some problems with the illegal weapons… I mean lunch menu, so it has been pulled off until next week. And who are these strange looking aliens?"

Mikey took offense to that comment and replied "we are not aliens you stupid fatass! We're turtles, mutant ninja teenage turtles!"

"Is that so? Cody, please explain why they are here."

"W-well, you see, I kind of made a time machine and used it to take these guys from the past to this timeline."

Darius's eyes widen in interest. "You built a time machine?"

"Of course! Shouldn't it be obvious that a boy genius with large wealth and luxury can make a simple time machine?"

Now it was the turtles and the rat to widen their eyes.

"You never told us you were loaded!" Michelangelo yelled in joy.

"Do you have any cool futuristic technology?" Donatello asked, then saying very quietly "…you blatant Mary Sue."

"Well down the hall I do have some one hundred percent kick-ass ninja gear…" Cody started. He didn't finish as he was soon trampled on and left for dead.

Serling sighed. "I'll go get the first aid kit."

Darius also left the mutilated child. The uncle entered a room secret to everyone else and pressed a few buttons on a communication system.

"Sho'Kanabo speaking" a creepy alien voice spoke on the other end of the system. "What the fuck do you want?"

"Yo home dawg, it's me Darius. Guess what my little bitch just made?"

"I'm listening…"

-

To be continued.


	3. arrrrrrrr

-1The turtles were having a jolly old time in the armory. They have found some melee weapons that were identical to each turtle's traditional gear, and decided to hold on to them for a while. The high-tech tools didn't have any nifty features, nor were they stronger than their regular counterparts, but they sure looked cool as hell!

"WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" shouted Michelangelo as he swung his laser nun chucks.

Leonardo yelled in pain "OWWW! Dammit Mikey you got me in the eye!"

"Oops, sorry" he apologized.

Donatello yelped in agony "OUCH! Stop swinging it so close to us!"

"My bad" Mikey apologized again.

"AHHHHHHHH!!!!" screamed Raphael "YOU JUST WHACKED ME IN THE NUTS!"

"Hehe, that one was one purpose!"

Raphael and Michelangelo fought each other again, because I couldn't think of anything original. Then along comes a bandaged up Cody.

"Hey guys" he said, "I think some of my ribs are cracked, but besides that I'm-"

WHACK! The child prodigy was knocked unconscious by Mikey's nun chucks.

"Stop it, my sons!" Splinter yelled at the feuding turtles. This is no way to behave when we are guests at a OH SHIT MY EYE! YOU FUCKING GOT ME IN THE EYE! Oh that's it, I'm kicking your ass, ninja style!"

Master Splinter leapt into the air and smacked his boys around with kicks and punches. Raphael and Michelangelo stopped fighting each other and ran for their lives instead. They didn't get far when they collided into Darius's colossal stomach.

"Hello boys" he greeted his time traveling guests and passed out nephew. "I need some alone time with abusing Cody's time machine… err… paying my taxes. So why don't you go outside and do whatever you people do outside."

Cody instantly woke up and shouted "OUTSIDE? But Uncle Darius, you know I never gone outside in my entire life!"

"Are you serious?" spoke Donny. "What about school?"

"I'm a genius, why the fuck should I go to school?"

"…Good point."

Darius persisted "come on Cody, there is nothing to be afraid."

"Except thieves, murderers, rapists, and all sorts of complete nut jobs!" replied Cody.

"Don't worry Cody, we can protect you if you'd like" Leonardo said in a comforting voice.

The boy looked at the teenaged turtle and smiled. "Alright, I'll go outside. With you guys around, I'm definitely safe!"

And so Cody and his turtle buddies went outside while Darius was obviously going to do something evil and Master Splinter was using state-of-the-art technology to look at porn. The human child expected something to go wrong as soon as he got outside, but nothing happened.

He turned his four pals and said "whew! I guess was paranoid over nothing."

Then he got ran over by a limo. The limo's front window pulled down to reveal the driver to be Serling.

Serling looked at the turtles and sighed "judging by the shocked looks on your faces I accidentally ran over Cody, right? Fuck."

-

To be CONTINUED.


	4. fffffffffls

While Serling was taking the younglings for a fun day at the hospital/morgue, Darius and his evil alien pal Sho'Kanabo were in a bit of a pickle. And I'm not talking about a real pickle because that would be retarded.

"I knew I should have asked Cody what the time machine looked like" muttered Darius as he rummaged through his nephew's inventions.

"We must find the time machine before the child returns!" spoke Sho'Kanabo "it is vital to my plans to infect this Earth with my Kanabo spawn and lay siege to the past!"

"Hey, don't be selfish with your world infestation crap, I have my evil intentions too you know."

"Which is…?"

"Umm, I don't know."

"You don't know your own evil intentions?"

"Hey, don't blame me. They haven't revealed it yet on the cartoon show this fanfic is parodying."

"Whatever."

They continued searching for the time machine for five minutes. On the sixth minute the alien yelled in frustration.

"We'll never find it like this!" he shouted. "I'm calling in Viral."

Darius spoke in confusion "Viral? Who's that?"

"She's my assistant I recruited some time ago. I found her in a… umm… internet chatroom."

Sho'Kanabo called her using a communication device. In milliseconds, red electricity sparked out of the device and formed into a solid shape of a faceless woman.

"Oh Sho'Kykins!" the woman gleeful said hugging the alien. "Oh I missed you so much!"

"Viral, we have compannny" Sho'Kanabo whispered through his teeth.

"Oh, right, sorry." Viral coughed, then spoke in a serious tone "master, what is you require from me?"

"We believe there's a time machine amongst these gizmos. Use your abilities to locate it."

"Right away sir."

The female formed back into electricity and entered the various machines in the room. Suddenly, the door opened and Splinter entered!

The rat looked at the demonic looking alien and said "I knew that strange sensation I've been receiving wasn't coming from the porno! What kind of evil is this?"

"What evil?" Darius spoke nervously "this creature is my… accountant! Yeah that's it, my scary looking accountant!"

Sho'Kanabo looked at the human grimly. "Oh enough with your horrible attempts of covering up your evil side. Sometimes I wonder how your genius nephew can fall for the crap you spew out of your mouth!"

Before Darius could talk back, Splinter shouted "It would be wise to give up now and stop whatever plot you are planning."

The large human looked at the rat and chuckled. "Do you really think you can stop us? With Sho'Kanabo's powers to infect other life forms, and my fatass, we'll cream you!"

Splinter sighed. "You never watched ninja movies starring elderly kung fu masters, have you?"

"Enough talk" growled Sho'Kanabo "it is time for your demise rodent!"

And this is the part where I type…

-

…TO BE CONTINUED!


	5. cffktg5enzxz

-1The teenage mutant ninja turtles, accompanied by the robot Serling, came inside with Leonardo and Michelangelo carrying two identical boxes.

"Master Splinter! Darius! We're back!" Donatello shouted. "And we brought pizza!"

Raphael added in "not to mention Cody's remains! Because he's dead now, in case you were wondering!"

No response. This unsettled the teens a bit, so they snuck around in case there was danger about. Leo opened the door leading to Cody's invention room and gasped what he saw. His brothers heard his gasp and went to see what was up, and gasped at the sight Leonardo was staring. Lying the floor was Darius with some scary looking alien, and Master Splinter cutting the cheese on their faces!

"What?" Splinter said to his sons while cutting the large hunk of cheese with a knife. "I'm a rodent, I just can't resist this yellow stuff!"

"Umm, what going on here?" questioned Donny.

"Let me explain it to you. Darius is really a bad guy who has allied with this creature from outer space. They tried attacking me, but as the martial art master I am, I whooped their asses. Now I'm cutting this cheese in half and then I'll shove it down their throats, hoping they are lactose intolerant."

"Okaaay…" Leonardo said uninsured. "So what exactly were they doing?"

Before the rat could answer, one of the machines activated and created a funky-looking time portal.

"Viral found the time machine!" Sho'Kanabo spoke in agony "quickly, we must enter it!"

"Too… weak…" coughed Darius "need… energy……….pizza…I SMELL PIZZA!"

The alien saw one of the turtles holding a pizza. Sho'Kanabo used his evil alien morphing tentacle powers to take out the box's contents and bring them into his and Darius's mouths. Soon, the two villains had their strength back and they stood straight up in complete power.

"Oh no!" Donny panicked. "With the ultimate power of pizza flowing through their veins, we have no chance against them!"

Michelangelo said in shock "umm… I don't think they ate the pizza."

"Of course they ate the pizza you dumb ass!" Raph shouted "what makes you think they didn't?"

"Well, when you guys weren't looking, I've sorta ate all the pizza myself."

"Wait a second…" spoke Leonardo "if Mikey ate the pizza, then Darius and his friend…"

The TMNT screamed in unison "…ATE CODY'S CORPSE!!!!!!!"

Uncle Darius's eyes bugged out. "Oh sweet monkey Jesus…" he muttered.

Darius and Sho'Kanabo fell over and died.

"NOOOOOOOOO!!!!" cried Viral as she came out of the time machine. "SHO'KYKINS, SPEAK TO ME!!! SHO'KYKINS!!!!!!!!!!!"

"My sons" Splinter said to his turtles "now would be a good time to get the shell out of here!"

The five kung fu fighters leapt into the time portal and safely arrived back to their original timeline, able to do regular ninja things such as kicking butt and sneaking into women's dressing rooms.

In came Serling, too late from what just happened. He saw his master dead and a cybernetic entity mourning another lifeless body. He came to comfort her, whoever she was.

"Sniff… he was the world to me!" sobbed the red woman.

The robot servant patted her on the back. "If it will make you feel better, I will gladly do whatever you ask."

Viral slowly stopped crying, then eyed Serling up and down. "Anything, eh?"

Five minutes later, the two were having sex. It made no sense due to the fact they weren't biological and lacked the required parts to do the nasty, but I guess that's the future for ya!

Their fun time was interrupt when the police robot Constable Biggles burst in.

"What's all this then?" he said in a British accent "you lovebirds should know this act is against the law and is considers…"

SPLAT! A random anvil smashed him into nothingness. Serling and Viral shrugged off the event and continued screwing like rabbits.

-

END


End file.
